| Sick, sick, sick |
[Mar. 16th, 2009|05:48 pm] |
What is it like to feel like shit every day?
I don't have it bad. I don't have it bad at all. I can get up out of bed and move around, and I have enough energy to bitch at people who don't give themselves enough time to make a U-Turn in high-speed traffic. GOD.
I have it bad enough to complain, and I'm sure you're well aware of my ability to do so.
Anyone can complain, though. We're all sick, aren't we? Everyone's got something these days. Advances in technology and increased interest in medical research have allowed us to classify every physical capability (or incapability) and thought pattern into some sort of SYNDROME or DISORDER or TYPE. It's become fashionable.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is the Louis Vuitton of psychiatric disorders.
ADHD is a very real disorder, but there are plenty of idiots who try to excuse their idiocy by claiming that they're just "clinically hyperactive." It's not just ADHD or even ADHD, it extends to the socially awkward teenagers who write depressive poetry because they're "bipolar." Does bipolar disorder exist? YES, BUT IT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT YOU CATCH BECAUSE YOU'RE SAD.
Beyond mental disorders, I'd like to share a personal favorite - fibromyalgia. "BUT DREY, FABROMETALLICA IS FOR REAL." Yes. It exists, even though the medical world knows little about it. But everyone and their neighbors, aunts, and dogs have fibromyalgia. Fibro is my favorite because a couple of months ago, a doctor tried to explain my insomnia, arthritis, bruising, swelling, and declining organ system function on fibromyalgia. It turns out I only matched less than half the symptoms indicative of fibromyalgia, and after going crazy on Neurontin, I went to a different doctor who told me, "LOL, FIBRO."
What really sucks about being sick, though - what really fucking kicks my ass everyday is LETTING myself be miserable. I look at it like a drug addiction.
You've seen the type of addict that I'm talking about - the self-deprecating addict who is an addict because of his terrible childhood and his whore of a girlfriend and his teeth that stick out in different directions. "I can't get a job, I'm an addict." "I can't clean the bathroom, I'm an addict." Blaming your lack of motivation on a drug addiction is like me blaming my car wrecks on me being Asian - stereotypical and re-goddamned-diculous. I could LET myself get consumed with my condition, sit around all day and feel sorry for myself, or I could just tell my body to fuck off and get on with my life.
Or sit at home and write livejournal entries.
It builds character. I'd like to think so, anyways.
On the plus side, I get decent painkillers and I lost a bunch of weight. Yay, sickness! |
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| "Fat" is the new "Fuck." |
[Feb. 4th, 2009|04:08 am] |
So last weekend I go to the new gay club that opened up. I'm 10 seconds into my first Wild-Turkey-rocks when it just starts getting...fat. I mean, really fat. Flabby chicks everywhere, dude. I felt like what Kate Moss must feel like every day.
Why don't you just go fat yourself?
Did you see "Lady in the Water?" That movie was so fat I almost couldn't make it the whole way through the movie.
Watching him eat his meat and potatoes was a sexual experience on its own. I eagerly watched his fork greet his mouth with each bite of food. The over-cooked steak kissed his mouth over and over. But suddenly, my fixation with him was interrupted by a woman, sitting two tables behind him, fatting herself upon the feast she had ordered. "ARBBL GARRBL," she fatly mumbled into her roasted chicken leg. She ate with such zest, such veracity! Such a display of fat quickly turned my heated meal into a Discovery Channel documentary. It is hard for me to remember clearly if she was using utensils or her sausage-like fingers to fat herself upon her poultry dish. At that point, her fat ambition to shove food in her chasm of a mouth was all my mind could wrap around that moment. "ARRBL GARRBL," and the chicken leg was a fossil, picked dry. "ARRBL GARRBL," and her side dish of mashed potatoes had sunk to the depths of her bottomless intestines. By now, the once captivating man sitting across from me had become practically nonexistent. My focus was on this woman - and her insatiable need to fat. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2008|01:52 am] |
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Rape. |
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| Requiem of a Grizzly Bear |
[Mar. 8th, 2008|05:11 pm] |
You are a big animal
They make stuffed toys out of you
Bears are really awesome
They like to eat honey
Chorus:
Grizzly bears
Big black bears
Polar bears
ROAR!
Polar bears are white
They drank Coca-Cola
Coca-Cola is a tasty beverage
It goes well with most liquors
Grizzly Bears
Big Black bears
Polar Bears
ROAR!!!
One time I was hiking with Matt and once we got to this lake, he saw a bear off in the distance and he was all, "Yikes! A b-b-b-bear!" and took off like the wind, boy howdy. But then it turned out that it wasn't a bear, it was just the light hitting the trees at a weird angle. It was pretty hilarious at the time, but then he became a heavy alcoholic and started beating his wife
Everybody now!
Grizzly Bears!
Big Black Bears!
Polar Bears!
ROAR
Great! Now just the bears!
ARARRGGKGHAA
RROROFFAGGGHAKA
AAAFKSAASKFGKA
RAKGFKJAGGAAAGGA |
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| Hey! |
[Mar. 2nd, 2008|01:40 am] |
I'm going back to Guam in May!
My mom wants me to take her to the doctor...in Korea. |
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| Rainbow pubes |
[Dec. 28th, 2007|11:24 pm] |
Merry Christmas. Here is a list of things that I got:
1. HIV
HIV? O JK LOL!
Last week I was on the highway (!) and I saw a car with a license plate that read "LOL ROFL," and I was like, "LOL!" I rolled down my window to LMAO at him, but then I saw that he was a fat nerd so I STFU.
Seriously I'm fucking killing myself this year.
Also: I'm in Miami. It's a beautiful city, but hooooooooooooooly shit nobody can drive here. I thought Pensacola had the biggest idiots behind the wheel per capita, but Miami has it beat. It's unbelievable, like the Miami driving test was nonexistant, but instead, when applying for a license, a guy in a sombrero gives you an identification card, a bottle of rum, and a blindfold. Oh, and a balloon to play with while you're at a complete stop in the merge lane on the interstate. |
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| Entry #51319 about insomnia |
[Oct. 24th, 2007|06:07 am] |
It's so cold I can see my breath outside! What I like to do is pretend I'm smoking a cigarette when I'm really not, and then I like the pretend that I'm not actually addicted to cigarettes.
Speaking of AIDS, I finally got suckered into World of Warcraft. SHUT UP. FUCK ALL OF YOU. |
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| Things I've learned thus far. |
[Oct. 18th, 2007|11:25 pm] |
1. People that drive really fast all the time are trying to impress somebody.
2. Smoking is only cool when you are 16. When you're younger, it looks dumb, and when you're older, you're already addicted.
3. There is nothing in your social life that is as unimportant as high school. Popularity? Not going to matter, ever. Your bimbo girlfriend? Like you're going to marry her. Prom Queen? Fuck you.
4. Kids that chug large amounts of alcohol in one sitting at parties are almost never the ones you want to party with. If you want to get shit-faced, get shit-faced. But if you're drinking to look cool, you deserve liver disease.
5. If your friend talks behind your back, sleeps with your boyfriend, steals from you, lies to you, or even hangs around people that have done you wrong - SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.
6. People with thousands of friends on myspace typically have none in real life.
7. A million people liking or believing in one thing doesn't necessarily make it a good thing. This is true for everything from Catholicism to Nickelback.
8. Nobody, and I mean nobody, likes to be around the depressed person with problems. But plenty of people like to be that person.
9. Guys do not notice when girls "do" their hair. They will never notice when you straighten it, highlight it, or cut off the split-ends. The same goes for grooming eyebrows, lotion, and curling your eye-lashes. The only people that notice all that shit are other girls.
10. The louder the bass system in your car, the bigger the douchebag you are. |
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| Tornadoz FTW |
[Oct. 18th, 2007|10:02 pm] |
Hey have you assholes been watching the news? I know some of you heard about the shitty weather here and you either a)didn't put 2 and 2 together or b) didn't care enough to shoot me a message.
So fuck all of you, this is my morning.
It was raining a whole bunch when I woke up. Fucking pouring. I go to class. And then I think, "Yeah I don't really want to be here." So I leave. Head home.
Turns out, there was a fucking tornado that hit RIGHT after I split from school. It ruined the mall across the street and sort of screwed up the campus. First tornado in this miserable place in 14 years.
And then to add to the hilarity, it destroyed a church, a daycare, and a bunch of houses in the ghetto. WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?
Oh and guess what else? On the way back home from class, I was behind a black car that had a "Che'lu" sticker on it. For those of who don't know, "che'lu" is Chamorro for...well, nobody fucking knows because nobody speaks Chamorro anymore, but it's a fun language to learn if you want to go into the bumper sticker business.* And I thought that it was kind of neat that somebody had that, but I wasn't sure if he was actually from Guam or not. Then I saw him hydroplane between lanes at 60 miles an hour before he ran a red light, and then I was positive that he was a real deal "che'lu."
*It means "brother," okay? Hafa prim leche atan baba talofofo umbre carl guiterrez pugua. |
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| Geography. |
[Aug. 29th, 2007|01:13 am] |
"Sonnyboy" is the name of a street here.
Across from it is a trailer church. Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like and it's just as horrible and the people that you would expect to go to it, do. A once mobile trailer is now a place of religious worship. God I'm so fucking homesick. At least in Guam, the churches sponsored cockfights. Not that I'm into church or cockfighting. I just miss home so much that I would rather watch a bird with razors attached to its talons kill another bird then have to deal with the fact that there's a trailer church where I live.
I mean, what the fuck? Florida, what the fuck?
I have a professor who is so old that his name is Blue. And get this, he teaches a computer class. He gets so amazed at the technology these days. He wheezes his complete fascination. "Mouses! OH MY. OH MY GOODNESS! They're not just a rodent anymore, oh no! You move your hand and OH MY! It's on the screen! It's moving!" He was going through the list of names and was absolutely stunned at what black folk are naming their children. "SHANIQUA! OH MY! SHA-KNEE-KWA! That's a new one! Oh, you kids and your rock and roll." |
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| how do i shot smack |
[Aug. 15th, 2007|01:53 pm] |
This is a list of things to expect when moving to Florida from some unknown piece of shit island, such as Guam:
1. There are a lot of white people.
2. There are a lot of black people.
3. White people don't like it when you greet them with, "SUP CRACKAAAAAAA?"
4. Black people don't like it when you greet them with, "Who let you out of the cotton field?"
5. People here care a lot about their hair. What the fuck is a diffuser.
6. Mainlanders love to fucking eat, don't they? I've never seen such a high ratio of fast food restaurants to land area in my life.
7. When you pay for something at the cash register, expect to pay a tax. Because there is a tax, okay? So don't accuse the poor cashier of ripping you off.
8. Wal-Mart is awesome. Nobody else will agree with you, since you come from a place where K-Mart was the big tourist attraction.
9. There is different breed of bimbo here. I thought that the airheads that you see on MTV exist soley on MTV. No, there really are skinny blonde white girls whose problems don't get any worse than "Oh. My. God. I'm 86 pounds?!"
10. Street signs! No more "take a left at the pugua tree, then you're at my own house." NO! It's "take a left on Davis, then take another left on 90, then a right off the cliff and bash your head on the rocks below because YOU'RE NEVER GOING HOME! EVER! YOU DIE HERE IN FLORIDA!" |
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| It's my birthday. |
[Jul. 18th, 2007|08:57 pm] |
I'm 19 today, so here is what you can do.
a) Post an image of old people making love. Lemonparty is not allowed.
b) Post an image of a cute animal. Lolcats not allowed. |
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| The Holocaust that is google advertisements. |
[Jul. 4th, 2007|03:01 am] |
I don't like it when online advertisements use your personal information to try and sell you something.
For instance, I have "Creed" listed in my userinfo interests because I hate them so goddamn much. You see, Livejournal, much like other online communities where they allow you to make a personal profile, don't include an "about me" section where you can list the stuff that irritates you, so I use the interests section for that instead. I even have a written explanation on that in my userinfo.
Well, Google decided to overlook that explanation, and that's why I saw this today:
Okay, a couple of things to bitch about here.
First off, I am sick of the ringtones. Everywhere I go, some asshole is trying to sell ringtones or claim that you can get them for free. People even hack myspace accounts to try and sell ringtones.
Secondly, what is the point of that guy's face? What the FUCK were these people THINKING when they came up with a marketing strategy to try and sell CREED RINGTONES? "WELL THIS GUY LOOKS PRETTY HARDCORE TO ME BECAUSE HE'S NOT SMILING AND HE HAS A LIPRING, MAYBE PEOPLE WILL BUY CREED RINGTONES NOW." I can't say it enough: I fucking hate people. |
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| Today |
[Jun. 12th, 2007|09:19 pm] |
We're getting a house!
It has a pool.
I drove on a highway and almost shit my pants.
Does anyone still read this thing. |
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| Carlos Mencia IS NOT FUNNY. |
[Jun. 2nd, 2007|03:05 pm] |
Why is Carlos Mencia still on TV?
I'll tell you. This is a typical Carlos Mencia joke:
"WETBACKS EAT TACOS AND WHITE PEOPLE ARE ALL STUPID AND EVERY BLACK PERSON IS A CRIMINAL DEE DEE DEE ASIANS HAVE SMALL PENIS!"
And this is how an average American responds to it:
"Wow, this Latino is really great! Not only did he get away with saying a racial slur on TV, he guilts me into laughing because he exploits stereotypes, and then rationalizes them, saying that it's all humor!"
Carlos Mencia is not humorous.
He once tried to make fun of Anna Nicole Smith by putting on a blonde wig and makeup, and then said, "I'M GOING TO DO A LOT OF DRUGS!" How much thought had to go into that joke? Nothing about that is funny or original. When are people going to realize that putting fat men in women's costumes isn't anything new?
Later on, in an attempt to be shocking and edgy, he called Steve Irwin an idiot. Why? Because he got stung by a sting ray. This pisses me off because Steve Irwin, as fruity as he was, did a bunch of useful shit in his career, and then died in a freak accident on the job. Carlos Mencia makes a living by making burrito jokes, and I think that karma should bite him in the ass by killing him while he chokes on a burrito. Maybe then I can finally laugh at Carlos Mencia. |
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| Gay people |
[Apr. 18th, 2007|04:04 am] |
I care about gay rights as much as I care about the rights of black people, illegal immigrants, and poor people: I don't.
I don't fucking care. And I don't think that anyone should really care.
There is nothing more ridiculous than someone who is a homophobe, okay?
I can remember having a conversation with someone who thought that gays shouldn't be allowed in the military. And when I aksed why, he answered, "Because I don't want faggots checking me out in the shower."
First of all, this guy was fat and had a huge gap in his teeth and his eyes sort of pointed in different directions. Fucking gross. How conceited is it to think that a gay would find him attractive when most women began to projectile vomit once they laid eyes upon him? It's also important to note that in my experience, homos are usually meticulous about personal hygeine and appearance. And it's important, do you understand? NOBODY LIKES AN UGLY PERSON, ESPECIALLY NOT A GAY.
God, and there's the whole gay marriage issue. I'm sure all of you are sick and tired of hearing everyone's self righteous stance on what God said and what defines a marriage, but seriously. WHO THE FUCK CARES IF FAGS AND DYKES GET MARRIED? (Obviously not to each other, but it'd make an interesting reality TV show.) How does it really affect you, the straight person? Unless gay people, upon getting married, transform into gigantic 8 legged monsters that eat the first born of every family in America, then there really is no fucking direct correlation with you and the common gay.
Gays not allowed to adopt kids? What's the reasoning behind that?
"O WELL THE KIDS MIGHT BE SCREWED UP!"
Fuck you. Kids in America are so fucked up today that it doesn't really make a difference if a gay couple raises the spawn of Satan.
Okay? So can we all just shut the fuck up about gay people? They're nothing special. I hear the latest hot topic is gun control, anyways. |
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| Ren. |
[Apr. 14th, 2007|05:08 pm] |
This is Ren the Chihuahua.
He's here to save the day.
Joe calls him "Super Ren."
I have a livejournal friend named ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) dekinakutesorry. |
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| Censorship rules! |
[Feb. 27th, 2007|07:03 pm] |
I'M A GIRL. I'M ASIAN. I'M A SHITTY DRIVER AND I HAVE ROAD RAGE.
So since I've gotten out of my "I'm a teenager behind the wheel so I should drive as fast and as recklessly as I can so I can get cool points +10" phase, I've started to drive with a little more caution and a little less speed. However, everyone else on the road has not followed suit, so it seems like I've always got some stupid looking H3 (yes, they're ugly as fuck and they're made for fat people) tailgating my ass.
And I know what's going on in that driver's head. He's thinking that because he's driving faster, he should get as close to me as possible to make me faster. It's good logic, you know, if you don't understand the basics of physics or had a smidgen of common fucking sense.
You know what I do? I slam on my fucking brakes because I don't know how to control my temper, okay? I haven't saved up enough money for the badass laser beam/torpedo system to the hood of my car. I haven't even saved up enough cash for a huge metal spike to replace my bumper. So I slam on my brakes and it scares that asshole and then I raise up my middle finger and yell, "YOU KIDS WITH YOUR CRAZY ROCK N' ROLL! SLOW DOWN!" It makes me feel better. |
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| Mr. Brown hihi fun |
[Feb. 16th, 2007|07:46 pm] |
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I hate fat people that stand in the way of the entrance to the bar. Whenever I have 10 fucking beers in my hands there is always some obese ho is standing in my way trying to dance. But then again, chicks who weigh more than 300 pounds always look like they're dancing, with their rolls of fat pulsating to the beat of the music. Some people like that. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2007|01:21 am] |
Poll #917020 Five bucks vs First Born
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllKamesha: I'll give you my first born. Or five bucks. whoa shit kamesha's a black person name it's still funny Moses with katanas for arms and legs and shurkiens for eyes and shoots rockets VS Grizzly bear with a shark on its back that shoots missles. Who wins and why. Chest hair! Check all that appry. TEN TEN TEN TEN TEN TEN TEN TEN TEN |
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| Saturday night is die. |
[Jan. 31st, 2007|12:11 am] |
Today I took a puppy to the vet. It wasn't my puppy. It was the puppy that belongs to the porn shop lady. She is Chinese and she really knows her porno, which makes her pretty hot except she has a daughter who is older than I am.
So LiLi comes up to me and she says, "I THINK LUCKY PREGANANT! HER SUSU IS A BIG AND MAKE MILK! ALSO, BARK BARK BARK LIKE ARR ARR ARRR ARR ARRR TO OTHER DOG! IS PREGNANT?"
It turns out that no, Lucky was not pregnant. She is going through a false pregnancy, which is just like a regular pregnancy except she's not going to shit out any baby Luckys (Luckies?) but still get fat and moody. Isn't that fucking nuts.
Have a great week! |
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| I've lost all ideas for posts. |
[Dec. 11th, 2006|06:41 pm] |
Poll #886652
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllChuck Norris Vs. Stingray Better ending to a Kurt Cobain anectode: In your own words and not wikipedia's, what is the Green Party. What word do you use when you're talking about having sex! Check all that apply. |
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| Doctors vs. Policemen |
[Nov. 13th, 2006|05:27 am] |
I don't like cops.
It's a generalized statement, okay? I realize there are some honest, good-hearted policemen out there but I have not had a SINGLE experience with them where they solved the problem at hand in a concise manner. Let's go through three situations that happened to me THIS YEAR ALONE.
Situation 1: Apartment robbery.
Me: They broke in through the bathroom window and stole about $1000 worth of our stuff.
Cop: do u haev any suspects!
Me: Yeah, those people that run a meth lab across the street.
Cop: their not home right now but HERE IS A BLUE CARD.
Me: Are you going to dust for fingerprints? Check out other places? Get some witnesses?
Cop: miss i already gaev u a blue card! u can call us at anytime. our number is 9-1-1.
Situation 2: Tires slashed.
Me: (on the phone) Hi, all four of my car tires got slashed. I'm in the parking lot of ________. I'd like to get one of your officers down here before the auto-shops and towing companies close.
One and a half hours later (I'm dead serial), I called back.
Operator: O HAY our unit should b there in fifteen minitz!
Me: I can see your precinct from where I live. I'd really like to have someone down here because it's nighttime and I'M A GIRL ALONE IN THE PARKING LOT.
15 minutes later, the cop shows up on a motorcycle.
Cop: (shines flashlight on tires) is thiz ur vehicle?
Me: Yes.
Cop: they slashed ur tires???
Me: YES.
Cop: it looks like they used a knife, i gotta go, here is a blue card
Me: What am I going to do with a blue card?
Cop: if u find anything out about ur tirez plz give us a call.
Me: WTF M8!!
Situation 3: ATTACK
Cop: so they came into ur place, pushed u around, threatened to kill u, knocked u out, and split open ur head with a throwing knife, and that's when u called us for help.
Me: Yes.
Cop: and you tried to defend urself with a knife?
Me: Yes.
Cop: did u hurt any1
Me: No
Cop: WELL UR UNDER ARREST BIOTCH! GO TO JAIL GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL DO NOT COLLECT 200 DOLLURS!
Cop 2: hay stop bleeding on my handcuffs
Okay? So that's my experience with cops. They are #1 on my "Occupations I'd rather not be around."
#2 on my list used to be doctors. USED TO. I've encountered a lot of assholes with stethescopes. I'm not too keen on how the medical system is outside of Guam, but here, it doesn't take a whole lot to incorrectly diagnose my mom with migraines and prescribe EXTRA STRENGTH tylenol when it was really a tumor the size of a baseball in her fucking brain. That was 9 years ago.
Today I went to the doctor to get my stitches removed, and let me tell you this: the worst thing you can possibly hear from a doctor when he is inches away from an open wound on your skull is "WHOOPS!"
I used to have 23 piercings in my body. I've had a lot of them taken out and put back in. I have 4 tattoos. I used to shoot up. I can do needles, okay? But FUCKING SHIT!
The nurse actually asked the doctor if he was supposed to use numbing ointment, you know, the same shit they put on your head when you first get the stiches put in. His reaction: "Oh yeah, we should've done that!"
But he gave me a bottle of Percocet, so I totally forgive him. He's a cool guy.
And you know what? Most doctors are pretty decent people. Let's compare them to policemen.
Doctors and policemen both help people, right?
Doctors can put you in stretchers, which are extremely comfortable.
Cops can put you in jail.
When you're in the hospital, you don't have to get out of bed to take a piss.
When you're in jail, you have to fight with your crackhead of a roommate to use the toilet in your cell.
Doctors give you drugs.
Cops take them away.
Doctors have stethescopes, and the cool metal on your tits feels good. Admit it.
Cops have guns. From what I've heard, those things shoot some fucking painful bullets.
Doctors have to go through a lot of school.
...We've all seen the Police Academy movies.
Doctors win! |
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| Ethnic cleansing martyrdom. |
[Oct. 5th, 2006|11:44 pm] |
Have you ever met someone of the same nationality that made you want to make the streets run red with the blood of your people?
Goddamnit sometimes do I hate being half Korean. I think if I was a full out slanty*, I'd have probably thrown myself off a balcony years ago.
And my full/semi blooded brothers and sisters - I don't have it in for you, I really don't. Honestly, I love you chinks because you're beautiful and smart and hard-working. But you really need to stop perpetuating the stereotype. Stop playing Warcraft. Or any other video game for hours on end. Stop driving like assholes. Stop getting the same goddamned bowl haircut. Stop following customers around in your Happy Sun Mini Mart like they're escaped convicts. FUCK that one pisses me off the most. There's nothing worse than having some asinine cashier on your ass while you're browsing for instant ramen.
Last Tuesday I wanted to kill a Korean man.
To make a short story long, I was moving out of my temporary home at a hotel. On Friday, I had gone down to Tamuning Plaza to look at the apartments and the rates. They had this one really nice room for $650 a month, right? Two beds, utilities included, lots of space. "This is a nice ass room," I thought. "I'll take it!" I made the reservation to officially move in on Tuesday with my lovely roommate. Name, phone number, SS, the works. I even called the manager up on Monday to confirm.
COME TUESDAY - I called up Tamuning Plaza's front desk to see if I could check in. Once I was in the clear, I moved all my shit into two cars and checked out of the hotel I was staying in. Three other people were ready to help me move. When our crew got to Tamuning Plaza, they started unloading outside as I proudly walked up to the front desk with my ID and debit card in hand.
"Hi, I reserved room 204."
"Do you have identification?"
"Yes."
"Okay. That'll be $990 in cash."
WTF M8
Keep your head cool, keep your head cool.
"Whoa. I was told that it would be 650 and I was told that debit card was an acceptable means of payment."
(And why would I have that much money in straight cash anyways?)
"Okay, let me get my manager."
Enter Young, an 80 year old Korean man with a head shinier than the sun.
What a fucking dick.
All future dialogue spoken by Young will be in Caps-Lock, because Koreans can only yell conversations.
"NO NO NO! WHO SAY THAT TO YOU? CANNOT BE SIX HUNDRED DORRAR, THAT WAY HOW I GONNA MAKE A THE MONEY?"
"I just talked to you on the phone yesterday. You said-"
"NO WAY NO WAY! I NO TALK A TO YOU ON PHONE! 650 DORRAR, YOU CRAZY. NINE HUNDRED NINETY DORRAR, THEN YOU CAN STAY. OTHERWISE YOU GET SMALL ROOM, NO 990 DORRAR FOR BIG ROOM."
"Look at my reservation card, man. It says right here that I get room 204 for $650, and there's your signature."
"I LAST WORD. GIMME NINE HUNDRED NINETY DORRAR."
"I don't have nine hundred dollars..."
"NO NO NO! NINE HUNDRED NINETY DORRAR! NINETY EXTRA DORRAR!"
"That's 340 extra dollars. Jesus shit."
"HEY! WATCHE YOUR MOUS!"
That's when I really lost it. I called my friends who were waiting patiently outside and told them that we no longer had a home because Young was being a fucking asshole gook.
God, I love my friends. They helped me sort out the mess even though they were drunk.
"What the fuck is this shit? Drey can't get a room here cause you fucked up?"
"WATCHE YOUR MOUS! NO BAD LANGUAGE!"
"Watch my mouth, motherfucker? Who the hell are you?"
"I MANAGER!"
"No, you're a lying nazi."
"I was right here with Drey when you gave us the price and the reservation."
"Look outside, bitch. All of our shit is here."
"CANNOT BE HAVE ROOM HERE! YOU GET SMALL ROOM SIX HUNDRED FIFTY DORRAR!"
"Fuck yo' small room, nigga."
"YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU CANNOT STAY TAMUNING PRAZA!"
"Fuck yo' Praza, nigga."
"And fuck your bald head, too."
"I SO GLAD YOU NOT STAYING HERE, YOU MAKE EVERY DAY LIKE THIS? YERRING BAD WORD? I DONT THINK SO! OH, I SO GLAD! HA HA HA."
"I'm so glad that you're about ready to roll over and die, old man."
"GET OUT GET OUT SON OF BITCH!"
"Watch your mouth, you Korean ho."
Even I had to laugh at that one.
We left. I found a better place. It's always a happy ending.
*slanty - Oriental** person. (hi scot lol)
**Yes, I said it. ORIENTAL PERSON. NOT ASIAN PERSON. Asia is a fucking huge continent. When people think "Asia," they think "CHINAMEN COUNTRIES!" Well what the fuck about the Philippines or Indonesia? Not like anybody cares about them, but it's still Asia. And did you know that the "Orient" is constituted of East Asia? So there's no simple word that I can really use for chinks except for "chinks," and "slanty" when I'm feeling festive. Get over it. |
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| SMOKE METH |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|04:13 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | smoke meth | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | SMOKE METH | ] |
| [ | I feel |
| | SMOKE METH | ] |
| [ | What I'm listening to |
| | SMOKE METH | ] |
SMOKE METH |
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| Ordering a Pizza |
[Aug. 12th, 2006|11:16 pm] |
It was 3 pm, and I wanted a pizza, damnit.
So I call up Pizza Hut (conveniently listed on my cell phone's Contacts list because I'm a fat fuck) and after elevnty zillion rings, someone finally figured out how to pick the phone up.
Unfortunately, the person who picked up the phone just happened to be the stupidest person in the universe. I know this because the first thing this broad said was, "WELCOME TAMUNING PIZZA HUT, WE HAVE PIZZAS TO DELIVER AND ORDER, WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY OUR SPECIAL COUPON?"
While I was fully aware that one shouldn't expect to have a stimulating conversation with anyone that works at Pizza Hut BEYOND THEIR SCOPE OF KNOWLEDGE (the scope is limited to things like coloring books, how to stop drooling all over yourself while taking orders, and basic sentence structures), I couldn't stop my brains from shooting out of my ears while being flooded with PURE MORAN.
Me: I want a delivery.
Jackass: You want to deliver the pizza?
Me: I believe I just said that.
Jackass: Do you have a phone number?
Me: (WTF, WHERE DOES SHE THINK MY VOICE IS COMING FROM) Yeah, it's ***-****...
Jackass: Oh, you want it deliver to Dungca Apartments?
Me: No dude, I moved from there. I live in Tumon now.
Jackass: So you don't want it delivered to Dungca Apartments?
Me: ...No. I want it delivered to where I am now. Here. At _____________.
Jackass: Okay, it be 45 minutes. Thank you come again!
Me: I DIDN'T EVEN PLACE MY ORDER YET.
Then she put me on hold. Luckily, she put me on long enough to hear A WHOLE FUCKING AIR SUPPLY SONG, because when I'm pissed off and hungry, oh yeah, I wanna hear some fucking Air Supply.
Then, another stupid bitch gets on the phone.
"HI CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER?"
Repeat process.
Me: Don't put me on hold again, don't ever put me on hold again. I swear I'll rip your soul out through the receiver of this phone.
Jackass 2: K.
Me: MEDIUM. PEPPERONI. PIZZA.
Jackass: Okay, and what topping?
Me: MEDIUM. PEPPERONI. PIZZA.
Jackass: I'm sorry, I have to put you on hold again.
My friend took a picture of me at this point:
God. In short, I got 10 dollars off of my total price. Don't ask me how because you cannot genius like Drey. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 11th, 2006|12:28 am] |
I went to this clothing shop the other day.
Actually, it was a lingerie shop, and goddamnit was it sexy.
I was looking at all the boots...All stilletos, all stripper looking.
Slutty nurse outfits.
Full body fishnets.
Flavored lubes, STFU!
Mini vibrators, what the FUCK! OMG THIS IS A DIRTY LINGERIE STORE.
Then this lady comes up to me and she asks if I want to work there. GTFO!
If I get the job, I might get to transfer to the full blown porn shop the company owns.
Man. I really am the asshole of the family.
ANYWAYS
POLL TIME
Poll #789873 PORN SHOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllIf someone offered you a job working in an adult shop (for a regular salary), would you take it? Elaborate. Or write a haiku. |
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